 Of J & trust 2006-01-30 ~ 12:20 a.m.  A friend of mine, J ~ who works at another store doing the same job I do ~ and I were talking this evening. We talk a few times a week. Something that is not true of everyone I know ~ I am comfortable talking with him. I am not always sure ~ but mostly.... I am. That statement might hurt his feelings. I hope not... but I suspect it would. J seems to be concerned because something that happened weeks ago. Someone he works with cannot be trusted. I know this from experience. I told J that he needed to pay attention. That it was important. I was concerned. I had reason to be. Though I have never fully explained that to him... nor will I explain it here. I suggested that he stand near walls.... to better protect his back. J is clever, with a sense of humor much like my own. Okay.. a bit twisted in the best ways as well... I enjoy the banter. For the most part ~ we understand each other. J ~ being a clever man ~ must have had some question as to his coworker's trustworthiness. He wasn't sure that he could take me at my word. I understand this. Another reason that caused me to be cautious about sharing all that I knew then... and what I know now. J asked the coworker something about me. It was personal... I have a few reasons to think that the perception of the coworkers knowledge and intimacy had been over extended.... So.. in a matter of minutes, I received a text page from coworker asking me a question. The answer to it would have validated said personal knowledge and suggested intimacy. Instead of answering directly ~ my comment to cooworker was "taking a poll?" I then text paged J, explaining that cooworker could not validate what he was asking. J apologized for the situation. He seems to feel he broke a trust. In some ways, he did. At the same time, he learned something that ~ if he takes it to heart ~ may keep him out of trouble he didn't ask for. I hope so anyway. So.... J apologizes. I told him at the time that it was okay. I understood then, and now. I do. He wasn't sure that he could believe me. He thought that he could trust someone he is working with. It's a difficult place to be in. I enjoy J's company. His mind works like mine (who this should scare more ~ I can't say). He's very funny. Every time that I say something that reminds him that I prefer the company of women he says "wow" in a tone of awe and wonder. It makes me laugh. One day, he'll get brave and ask me the questions I hear in his head when we talk. Sometimes, when we are talking I want to stop and tell him what I really hear in my head. From the things that I know he is thinking... because I can hear it... to the fact that what I think of me ~ my own picture of me and that who I am ~ is very different from the perception I think he has. I can make it look really good. Really. I don't see my value. Whatever I may mean to others... I do not feel my worth. If it's what I think it is.... I need to check out and try again. It's a complicated place in my head *grin* J ~ my friend, with the amazing eyes ~ You are attracted by rich pictures and vivid words. You understand the art of weaving them. I don't decide that someone's value as a friend based on one situation. I understand the nature of things better than most. For whatever reason ~ I feel one of those connections with you, J. I suppose time will tell... In the meantime... Safe travels All
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