 Of tours through the abyss 2005-10-22 ~ 10:03 a.m.  Welcome to the Abyss. Please keep your bits inside the car at all times. Do not remove your goggles. Floaties are available for those with vertigo. Keep in mind - that you are just a tourist ~ you won't be made to stay. The sadness that I have been politely ignoring for months has taken advantage of this difficult week and my general exhaustion. Then again.. the tiredness is most likely the covert infiltrators for the sadness. Yeah. All I want to do is sleep and cry. Neither of which are going to work. I can't sleep as much as I am inclined to. I certainly can't cry all day. I have to work. People don't get that. I found it very difficult to go to work yesterday. I knew that if I called out, that I would never walk through the doors again. Ever. I am at that point. Once upon a time I worked for a small company. I did a lot of things within that little company.... many hats. I worked a lot of hours. Often I worked 7 days a week. I wanted to be an important part of the success of that little company. Then one day the manager hired someone to take on some of the jobs I have been doing. In the process of turning over the information to the new hire - I was in the room with 3 other people... the manager talked around me as though I was nothing important - referencing my inability to do what was asked of me. I got up. I walked out. I never went back. He sent his 'second in command' to my house to talk to me. He sent her to apologize to me and ask me to come back. Thanks. No. I find myself in a position now where I am not able to do the job that I am supposed to be doing - the one that is vaguely described in my job description - I am being held accountable for things that I have little or no control over. I am trying to step back. Breathe. And then sort out what is best for me. Please return your tray tables to the upright position. Leave your floaties and goggles on the counter as you exit. Safe travels
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