Of sadness & venting
2005-07-31 ~ 10:53 a.m.

I am drowning in saddness.
Don't read any further if you don't want to hear about this.

I understand. This is my vent.. in hopes of letting off some of the pressure.

My daughter spent the entire afternoon/evening yesterday moving the last of the things I have in Phoenix. She had some friends with her and I am grateful for that. I feel horrible that they had to deal with it.. and with the jackass that was at the house. My things are safe again... but I have no idea how I will get it to whereever I end up.. or how I will pay them back for getting it and then storing it.

Things at work are.... difficult. I thought that I could find some balance until things settled and/or I made plans and found a path to where ever I figure out to go... I was in error. I cried for an hour Friday... I almost didn't go back to work. I almost couldn't. It took a lot. If I had thought for a moment that we wouldn't be in a deep finacial hole... I would have been done then and there.

I thought about it... trying to gauge whether or not I am just weary and that is making it worse... I just know the way that I feel. I can't seem to get past this. If it's me.. I want to find the cause and change it... if it's just 'everything'... then I need to move forward and make changes.

I looked for other stores opening. I could apply to another store and they would move me. I'd be obligated for 24 months... but I would be somewhere else. I really think I just need to be somewhere else.

At work, I think that what I do has become so commonplace that it's expected, and just part of the fabric..

I called Liz and talked to her on Friday.. I was still crying when I talked to her. She called yesterday to leave a message reminding me that I am loved. She was so sweet. She will never know how much it meant to me... how much it means to me.

FV sends random love and hugs... at just the moments they are most needed. How she knows, I'll never know.

I don't want to leave some of the friends we have made... I adore them. The answer may be to leave here though. I hate that part.

I am so overwhelmingly sad. I think I get a foothold, and I end up sinking lower into the abyss...

safe travels